Reverse Thanksgiving

I am feeling a little snarky and ungrateful about the world since my-probably-could-have-gone-viral-TDay-post was chewed up and swallowed by Blogger (and then handily saved over) last week. 


I coulda been a contenda..  :-(

I write important shit here, y'know? 

So my blog BFF and I Munch decided that we would have our own little challenge. He was avoiding work, so he jumped on it Friday and finished his this weekend. I was avoiding work, so I did laundry and packed for a ass kicking drive to baboo sports tournaments this weekend.


CHALLENGE TOPIC
Although it is rude, and will probably send an instant message to KARMA to kick me square in the bleacher butt (see below), Munch and I's challenge was to write a list of the things we are NOT thankful for. I haven't looked at his, or I will be tempted to plagiarize. His is here, take a look. 


I know, I know....settle down Pilgrims. I have much to be thankful for, every day, every way. But today is not that day. Thursday is that day. Pay attention. 


This is ((cue music)) The Onion's snarky-bad-attitude-having-does-not-deserve-a-visit-from-Santa-list of things I am NOT thankful for today . Ahem. 


1. Road Trips to Sporting Events
2 hours of sitting in car + 9 hours of sitting on bleachers + 3.5 hours sitting in car + 9 hours of sitting in bleachers = bleacher butt. To super-size, add concession stand fare. 

Dear Santa..

Accessories to Road Trip Weekend include: Bag full of my kindle, 3 containers of gatorade/water, kleenex for whomever bleeds, bottle of Tylenol for injured players and/or frustrated bridge-of-nose-pinching Special Agent, someone's shoes, someone's slippers, a random t-shirt, half eaten granola bar, a pen lid but no pen, some electronic gaming devices, a tourney program (at the bottom, wet), and something I think may have once been a banana. 


2. Ring-Back Tones 
You, my friend are not bringing sexy back. You ARE annoying the hell out of me with your ring-back tone. It's a little pushy to make me listen to a song YOU like while I wait for you to get finished putting styling product in your hair before answering, don't you think? 
I was tempted to install a ring back tone which would cover the day's headlines, but then I remembered that is something I want to hear. So I just listen to it my damn self, capice?


3. Smoking on me
Don't get my wrong, like your porn addiction, I don't CARE what you do when you're alone. Live 'it up, suckas. But, DON'T smoke on me. I don't care if it is your office, car or Silence of the Lambs style prisoner dungeon. If I want to smoke, I will (Oh yes, I will). Those who want to smoke, do. Those who don't, don't want to smoke your backwashed air. And don't crack that fricking window a centimeter and then nod and smile like you just invented the cure for POLIO. In a moving vehicle, it just drives the smoke back into the car, Dad.

Whatever kid, but not by me, ok?

4. Those who refuse technology
You don't tweet? I don't care. Anti-Facebook? Whatev, but you are missing out. But those who do not check their email? Nor do they have text messaging on their phone? Seriously? Would you like us to drive to your house to let you know the event time has changed by half an hour? Perhaps we could update you on the weather by U.S. Postal Service? I appreciate all of your commitment to a non-technology life rhetoric, but you are creating a pain in the ass for the people who DO use it as a convenience for themselves. At least pick one. 


5. The Affliction craze
Stop this. Please stop this immediately. I can overlook a few Tapout shirts for those of you who are using MMA as a methadone patch to Bloodsport, but angel wings? No. I can't decide if they are worse on men or women, but I am leaning toward men. Especially those who are wearing them painted on over Arnie-like spray tanned muscles. Men, please be men. Not frosted-tipped angels. You look like a douche. Please and thanks. 

6. Twitter
I still don't get it. 


7. Passive-Aggressive behavior. 
Stop needlin' me people. Just come out with the bee that is under your bonnet and we can deal with it or agree to disagree. But stop blabbering at me with your, "that's an interesting idea, but.."s and a smile pasted on your face while we negotiate terms more difficult than NATO's. Just spit it out and then puleeze go away.


8. Pet hair
For Christmas, I am asking Santa for electrolysis for all of our pets who have a beacon for freshly dried laundry, my side of the bed and anything dark i want to wear. 

I am going to consider this for my next
career move, right after I throw up.

9. Facebook Overshares
Funny, witty comments need not apply. Interesting articles and local event info, you are welcome here. Weird, vague or sappy posts regarding your skin condition, your self esteem, a low-blow shout out to your ex about not coming to your kids' science fair and 90% of jr. high kids posts, I am talking to you. 


10. OCD
Because of my own OCD issues, it has taken me a while today to follow my own "fall" color scheme (please notice), while making sure to post an even number of entries. I am off now to lock/unlock the door 36 times.


What are YOU not thankful for this year?? 

Random Thought of the Day

Watching episodes of Hoarders makes me feel very tidy and organized.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

I like soup. A lot.

I'm Glowing..

((whispering)) Iwonanaward


What? 


((louder hushed whisper)) I. won. an. award.


Huh?


I WON AN AWARD! I WON AN AWARD! You love me, you really, really LURRRRVE me....

Double stick tape, anyone?

OK ((smoothing shirt)) ..well, my Mom and one OTHER person like my blog. My new lovely Midwestern neighbor Hannah from 

Erratic Questions About A Simple Life (check it!)

was kind enough to list me as an award winner on her blog. Here is the award (I think)

Not to BRAG, but I was listed first on the list..just sayin'.

Since this is my first award (wiping tear), and so unexpected... I do not have an acceptance speech ready. 


Really, no bullshit.. I got nothin'.  


Just thanks to "THE ACADAMAY...." (just kidding).  Seriously, thank you to Hannah and the rest of you crazy cats who read my weird ideas, embarrassing stories and other generalized nonsense. I am cracked.

The responsibilities of this award are that I share 7 things about myself that will surprise and delight you. Hmmm. Or maybe disgust you. We'll see. I am listing them quick, before I come off of the high of my win. And, because I have to pick up the apes in about 15 minutes. 

 1.  I have a twin sister who looks nothing like me. She used to hide her head under the covers so if a murderer came in, he would get me first. I confess, I slept closest to the door for the very same reason. 


What were our parents letting us watch on TV?

A not very flattering picture, but who
can resist a skull bowling ball shot?

Sister and her sweet Baboos
Next time, she won't share her
 Shutterfly password..
Photo Credit to the talented Scott Mooney

2. I suspect I have a repetitive motion injury in my wrist known as "blackberry syndrome" (STOP LAUGHING - I'm serious), which is from my crack-a-lackin' addiction to the berry.  When folks about town hear this, there will be a rousing chorus of "no sh*t!"  ..Rude. 

3.  Although I am a Wyoming native, I am not homophobic or racist. Neither are most of us. I do tend to discriminate against idiots, but I feel badly about it.

4.  I have not completed my college degree (the horror!) I am within spitting distance, but suddenly it just became less important. It will always be there. I have always had good jobs, so no complaints.

5. I wanted to be a writer when I was young. I imagined myself in Mary Tyler Moore boots, living in a city, writing for a magazine like Sassy, and later, Jane. I idolized Jane Pratt.

6. I don't like ketchup. On anything. Don't judge.

Blech.

7. When I eat foods that there are a quantity of (like M&M's, etc), I have to eat them "evenly". As in, two on one side of my mouth, chew, swallow. Then, two on the other side. It is my own little dash of OCD. It's a layer.

Now, I am supposed to list 10 blogs I feel are award-worthy. I am a new blogger, so I come across new things I like everyday, and may not even have 10?  However, these are my go-to's, in the order they were in on my follow list (I am on a TIME LIMIT people!) 

• 
  
• Hyperbole and a Half - Me (and 10 zillion others) love Hyperbole's zany humor and accompanying illustrations. It looks like kid stuff, but then slaps you on the ass with the writing. Don't read this in a business meeting. You won't be able to keep from snorting. 
• 
  
• Dangerous Leanings - I am a little new to this one, but it has that thing: that quirky thing that I dig. 
• 
  
• Erratic Questions About A Simple Life - My new homegirl. We have these weird musings running around in our heads and those suckers just have to get out. 
• 
  
• Helen of Wichita - A great concept and great photos of a friend from high school's baby - taken EVERY DAY of the first year of her life. This is so smart. Quick and Fun to check in and see what's shaking with Helen today. 
• 
  
• Jumble Mash - She's smart and funny, and obviously knows what she is doing as a blogger. I also think she is a lot younger than me. She could teach this old dog a few new tricks. 
• 
  
• Monday Night Manners - A friend of a friend writes this blog and I love it! I need more etiquette in my life and MNM gives you a weekly dose of something to teach your youngsters, whether it is setting the table, or that you MUST always pass the salt and pepper TOGETHER (they are married). I am learning a lot!
• 
  
• Nerdy Apple Bottom - Another wife of a cop, like moi. She wrote a famous entry about her son's love of Scooby Doo, and his corresponding Daphne Halloween costume. Many judged, but NAB said "shut it", and is still saying it on behalf of her sweet baboo and all persons who are being their genuine selves. 
• 
  
• Reptiles in the Ice Cream - This girl is nuts and I love her guts! She scares me a little, tiny bit. And I hope I get invited to one of dinner parties one of these days. They seem epic.
• 
  
• Simple Dude in a Complex World - More random musings, my favorite thing. Simple Guy is getting hosed on the description, because I have GOT TO GO!