Thursday, November 21, 2013

I'm Thankful! (Except When I'm Not)

So....I have been hiding out, but have been challenged by one of my pals over at I'll Have It On the Side (go look) to write another post about what I am NOT thankful for this Thanksgiving season. 

I am so frigging thankful for my #firstworldproblems, I can't even tell ya. Thankful most of each and every day, except when I am being a whiny baby. Which happens. 

I realize this is going to land wrong with a few of you and some of you will think I am talking about you. Truthfully...I am. BUT, only in a general way, and always with me realizing fully that I have a counter-annoying habit which makes you want to write/rant about me. Feel free - It's OK. It takes all kinds, peeps. 

So...there's the disclaimer, suckas. Here is my list:


A Lot of Layers List of Grimy Unthankfulness

1. Video Conferencing/Wrinkles
What? I'm listening!

My new job involves many, MANY hours of online video conferencing. I have learned to love the improved communication, but what I do not love is looking at my face while my mouth is talky-talking, my eyes are bugging and squinting and my face is wrinkling. Do I really look that way? Yikes. I really have to resist pulling my face skin taut while I am on the call, which would be distracting to the others on the call....but would make me look *so* less almost-forty.

2. Christmas in October
Knock that shit off Retailers! Give the turkey his 15 minutes, wouldja?

3. Junk email
Amazon, do I need to hear from you every three minutes? Thirty-One auto-emailer! Sweet baby Jesus, how many times do I have to unsubscribe?? 

4. Tree-murdering snow
Snow is supposed to be soft and lovely, falling gently and dusting the rooftops and junk. This tree-splitting nonsense? Ain't nobuddy got time for this. My trees aspire to be more than bushes. Go home snow, you're drunk. 
5. Exercise cults
There, I said it. Exercise does a body good (I hear) and it's great to be health-conscious. But obsessed? Cult-ish? It feels like I am surrounded by Exercise Moonies, but instead of handing out flowers at the airport, they are doing push-ups. Talk about something else. The world is a big place. Moderation and balance folks. (Stop planking! That isn't what I meant by balance!!!) sigh. 

6. SnapChat
I enjoy stalking monitoring my teenager's social networks and damned if SnapChat won't cooperate. I can see lots of messages but can't open them. What's the point of a social network that won't let you look at a message more than a few seconds???? 

7. When blogging gets Stoopid 
Some of my more serious bloggy friends sometimes seem to compete with each other and can appear over-invested in their 'blog-persona' and the popularity contest of blogging than seems to make sense. So..yeah.

8. The Cable Company
I wanted to reduce my cable (and my bill) since we are using Netflix, Amazon and Hulu. THRICE, I have had a conversation which in a nutshell tells me that because I am in a special program which will end in January, I am getting a great deal! And, if I reduce my package, I will end up paying $more-dollars and if I keep the same package, I will pay $more-dollars. If I add a phone line, I will pay $less-dollars, but still $more-dollars than I am paying now. Sigh. I think they are training their representatives at Bath and Body Works. And both are out-smarting me. 

9. Facebook/Pinterest recipe shares

Seriously people. Just click the link and save it. Or send it to your own mail. Or stop posting 1,000 recipes we both know we'll probably never find again on the book of Face. 

10. People who have their shit together
Gawd, I am hugely annoyed and insanely jealous of people who have clean cars, don't forget their shopping list, keep all of their laundry done and know what day they are supposed to bring snacks, any given moment. What are you people, robots? I continue to tell myself that my lack of these skills is just part of my fun quirkiness, but a few days ago I spilled gum squares on the floor of my car....and today i ate one because I needed gum. Help me.

11. Bonus Unthankfulness - Selfies
Peeps, I *knows* you need a good profile pic or four to choose from. We all do! A few Selfies with friends, solid! But the daily individual selfie makes me worry about the state of society; a place where instead of using the technology of photography to capture what you SEE, it's all about seeing YOURSELF first. It's the Sistine Chapel vs. "me kicking it at the Sistine Chapel..! ((Peace sign)) #vacay #illegalselfie #seeingtheworld"

Feel me? Enough, really. 

No comments: