Sunday, July 31, 2011

Be Kind, I'm in Swimwear

I have somehow been re-wired into permanent vacation status. I am still finding it difficult to wear undergarments, and keep waiting for the cocktail waitress to show up. I keep asking what the "drink of the day" is today, but no one will answer me. Rude.

In our usual style, the trip to Punta Cana was done on a whim, and we didn't put a ton of planning or thought to the week. It turned out great, solidifying my theory of poor planning as a rule. Our fam works better on the fly with the flexibility. (This is the reason I can't get my Disney on. The Disney planning guides make me curl up in a fetal position, muttering "It's a small, small world...")  Flying by the seat of our pants is a family layer, although I may inspire it.

I have had this post started for way too long now, and it just needs to get done so I can move on to other aspects of my thrilling life. Below are a few shots from the trip, to let you see the resort you'll be staying at on your next beach adventure. It was called Dreams, and it was Dreamy. And hot. 

We upgraded to a Junior Suite. The Baboos immediately made themselves at home. 

The robe was too long, but the slippers....ahhh.
He has a pretty rough life, you know! He needs
to be pampered.

We have an all inclusive package, which included 8 restaurants and all drinks. The food was pretty good, and offered the normal fare that kids like. The biggest downside was that there was something awry with the air conditioning, which made the restaurants *hot*, and not in that "this new restaurant is HOT" kind of way. The Baboos soon learned that room service was also part of the All-Inclusive package and preferred to stay in and order while watching I-Carly in Spanish.

"Hola Carly!. Donde esta su hijo?"

Special Agent and I sweltered through the sushi place, as well as a lovely Italian restaurant while the kids stayed in (don't judge, we had Walkie-Talkies). While trying to explain to the Dominican waiter that I wanted to sit by the window, since it was trying to storm and there was a nice breeze, or that I was enjoying some cool sea air, (or that I wanted to jump out of the window, who knows?) he misunderstood my excellent grasp of their language and shut the window. The rest of the guests were really happy with me. Fail. 

Several bottles of wine later, Special Agent and I checked on the kids and enjoyed a walk. It was hot. Hot...hawt..hott..In my wine-fueled state, I decided a swim was in order. Except...

a) the pool closed at night
b) I was without swimwear

No matter. Special Agent laughed while he held my dress, looking around nervously and whispering "come on..people are walking by..." "don't go way over there, it's all lit up...." and sighing, "you have voyeuristic tendencies, woman.."  The pool was cool and luxurious, and I had it all to myself. I do not believe for one second I am the first or last skinny (ok, medium) dipper they have had at the Dreams Resort and Spa.
I spent a lot of my days here (it closes at night), and one night fateful evening
while Special Agent held my dress. I could be on YouTube, but I am not looking.

The Layers family photo - someone is probably
peeing in the pool at this very moment. 

Local wildlife
My bathing beauty baboo. Under the glasses, her
cheeks were a little scorched. Sunblock fail.

After getting scorched, we decided we had better find something to do that got us away from the pool for a day. (secretly, I think Special Agent was afraid the Dreams Police were coming to kick us out for my late night swim). So, we ventured off to do some zip lining. 
The Onion clan, getting their Zip Line on. Yes, we
made the shorter one wear a helmet eventually. 

Do I look afraid? More importantly, do I look like I have a beer belly?
While I do, I assure you, this level of belly was all shirt. 
Special Agent, showing off his manliness. Note: no umbrella, straws or jewelry
unless you count his gear.

Although the guides sweetly attached my camera to the side of my helmet, I wasn't really into taking photos while we were zip lining. Suffice to say we zipped from one platform to another, rinse and repeat. The best part for me was the trip up and back from the zip lining site, with an excellent and informative guide, showing us what the real Dominican Republic looked like. The ride was bumpy and we smiled at each other as the bus heaved and leaned. 

This darling came out to wave to the bus. We wanted to give him some items we had
brought along, but not allowed, for safety's sake. The host gave him a 2 liter of
soda instead and it made him smile.We gave our items elsewhere, but it felt like
a missed opportunity.

Back to the Bar Beach! Despite our still lingering sunburns, we hit the beach on the resort. As suspected, the baboos preferred the pool inside our resort, but we spent a little time wandering around, jumping on the water trampoline and being hounded by locals selling their wares. 

MJ, I wasn't sure which. Nope, just a lot of bad art and some shirts and trinkets. There was an unseemly massage table tucked away in the back, confirming my suspicion that we could probably get just about anything one was looking for here. Special Agent bought a t-shirt to assist with the local economy. 

This was the beachfront outside our hotel.  I worked to keep the
guy with the jewelry saying " Hey you...nice lady" out of the shot.

Our next big adventure was to take surf lessons as Macao Beach. I won't lie, I was nervous. My lack of athletic ability is well known. I can swim, but coordination is a whole other issue. 

After a prayer to the surf gods, my instructor taught me the basics. He felt my "pop up" was slow, so I had to remind him that I am 37 years old and wildly distracted by the fact he is looking at an unobstructed view of my 37 year old ass. Which ended up lobster red after this day of fun. 
 Macao Beach
Yes, this is really what a white girl's rear view looks like at my age.
I prefer me cropped, color changed and thigh-edited. 
The good news was, we all got up on our boards and my non athletic ass was actually the first to do it in the class! I showed off a little, trying to channel the movie "Blue Crush". We were highly motivated, as you can see below. 

The rest of our trip was spent within reach of the bar, below. In the instance that close chairs were "unavailable" (I hope you drown, Greek woman on the phone..) a lovely lady would also deliver to the pool. Even the baboos had some non alcoholic Pina Coladas. 
Here is a shot of the bar, complete with swings instead of bar stools.
The *FREE* drinks were brought pool side, very dangerous.

Dreams Punta Cana: Highly, highly recommended. The biggest downside is that I am now warped and cannot seem to get my blog on. And I keep asking passers by for The DRINK OF THE DAY. At 10 in the morning. Don't judge.

Is anyone listening?