Friday, December 9, 2011

All I Want for Christmas is NOT Thong Underwear

See Video. Go ahead, watch it a few times...

Beautiful ladies.. Sexy kitten voices and spectacular undies. And jealousy of the alien forms wearing them (Talk about the 1%..).

The commercial asks men to do the following: 

Tell me you love me.
Tell me you want me
Tell me you miss me.
Excite me.
Dazzle me.
Delight me.
Tell me there is no other woman in the world... like me. 

Good stuff, right? So why is this video annoying me today? 
I like pretty, sexy ladies. 

I have received VS goods several times as a sort of "gift that keeps on giving" and I completely get it. But somehow the idea that the way to tell a woman, an EVERY-WOMAN that you love, want, miss, her, etc. is by ordering her tiny, uncomfortable underthings makes me think man someone, somewhere is missing the point. 

I think whoever created this commercial knew the short staccato instructions produced are what men like, especially from half naked supermodels. 

Good work. 

But the person who wrote this failed to write a commercial with the gift recipient in mind because, if they had asked, would probably learn that women just want you to TELL them those things. 

And not with underwear. 
But that wouldn't sell much underwear, now would it?

*Overshare Alert*

Tough guy Special Agent wouldn't want me to tell you he is sappy and romantic, but he is. While he isn't afraid to buy some fancy underthangs, he has wisely done the pre-work to hopefully see such underthangs at a later date. 

He also has good timing. 

I was thinking of an earlier Onion, a post-partum onion who couldn't bear to look at VS catalogs (and certainly not commercials of anorexic women dressed as angels) when I wasn't too comfortable with my current state of being. At that moment in time, receiving anything where the exposure of midsection or thighs existed might have made me burst into tears, right there in my Mrs. Roper Mu-mu and nursing bra. 

Special Agent recognized this and instead bought me jewelry. 
He's a keeper.  

So, male readers (all two of you), this year, before maxing out the plastic, tell your not-tall, not-thin, not-flawless woman that:

You love her
You want her.
You miss her.

Excite her.
Dazzle her.
Delight her.
Tell her there is no other woman in the world... like her.

TELL her all of that...and you won't need lingerie. 


Munch said...

Excite her.
Dazzle her.
Delight her.
Tell her there is no other woman in the world... like her.

TELL her all of that...and you won't need lingerie.

Do you know hard some of us guys have worked to attain that kind of enlightenment and here ya are just giving it away? :o)~ j/k (sorta)

I hope that you, Special Agent and the kids all have a very Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year.

I joke and I kid, but something I am truly thankful for this year is our new found friendship.


Munch said...

On a side note... I'd like to say that I hope you get your wish and Santa brings you nothing but "Large Marge" briefs, but I'm not. I don't want Special Agent kicking my butt for commenting about your underwear. hahahahahaha

Danger Boy said...

Well spoken, Onion. I'm somewhat resistant to the advertising hullabaloo, and have been known to buy Wifefish...wait for it...comfortable bras. It's better to keep her girls and her lower back happy than to wrap them in 3 strips of gauzy lace and a piece of wire.
Don't tell anyone, but I also do the dishes. Shhhhh....

SherilinR said...

my husband of 13 years has never bought me any lingerie. and i think that's probably a good thing. if he plays his cards right, such things will never be necessary and since they come off so quickly, seems like a waste of effort and money.
well said in this post.

Anonymous said...

Did my phone call and my socks inspire this blog?

Anonymous said...

It could not have been said more perfectly!