Your Profile Pic Can Beat Up My Profile Pic

I need to update my Facebook photo. 


Sigh. Don't wanna.


I am starting to feel like one of those obituary photos of people who died when they were 90, but have a photo next to their life story which is of them when they were 30. I am the Dick Clark of profile pictures. 


I loathe having my photo taken, mostly because I am then reminded that THAT is what i really look like. Photos taken of me, by me, are even worse. I clearly need to take a class from teenagers regarding how to take the perfect long armed, doe-eyed, side glance shot using a trac phone and some bad lighting.


Still, as I troll scroll through Facebook, I am annoyed astounded by the number of truly lovely profile pics people have posted on their page. Who takes these lovely shots on the fly and manages to look so beautiful, elegant and artful? Um..my friends. 

Seriously, who is this fucking fabulous, looking like a shot from Mad Men?

Urban male species, looking hip and cool even while picking his fingernails?

Elegant and thoughtful, confident...what gives? 

My long-lost friend E.J., who outgrew and out-cooled me 

with little effort. Even the dog is cool.

I went back and looked at my profile pic options, straining to see a *glimpse* of what I see in the above photos. 

My folders contains photos of me:

1. In a bar

2. Looking very Republican, wearing a name tag in a photo with a politician

3. Windblown hair on the back of a 4-wheeler.. (wait for it)holding a dog

4. A photo of a turkey

5. A photo of Wonder Woman (my favorite)

Facebook fail. 




P.S. My friend over at Absolutely Narcissism wrote a HEE-LARIOUS post about working to get just the right profile shot taken by her unwilling family. Maybe I need to work harder. Read it here.