Who the Hell Do You Think You Are and Junk?

I am in a passive aggressive argument with this blog. I was feeling a weird responsibility to it, which made me annoyed with it, which made me have writers block, which made me ignore it more, which has made me irritated with Facebook, which drove me to Twitter, which made me read a lot of political articles, which brought me back to Facebook. 

The point is, I am still not interested in blogging. My blogger is broken and it can't get up. 

My pal at DeBie Hive heard me say it, so she is trying to get me off of my dead ass and blog it up by tagging me with an assignment to write more about myself. Which I need to do less off in lieu of writing other more interesting stuffs. 

But I like DeBie, so........

1.  Where were you born.  I am the second born of a set of twins born in Buffalo, WY. I was 6 weeks premature and breech, which means at 4 lbs, I practically jumped out. My mother says I always land on my feet to this day. A sentiment I have always liked.

2.  Were you named after someone?  I need a lot of therapy over this topic. My brother was named for Jason in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (Named after a musical, fitting) and TWIN was named after a darling girl named Stephanie who lived down the lane from my parents in Germany when my father was in the Army. When she was called to in the lane by her mother, she would answer "Yaaaaa, mamaaaaaa.... my mother dreamed of her daughter when she heard it.

My name? Oh, well....IT MATCHED STEPHANIE. I am the throw pillows to my sister's couch of a name. Yep. 

3. How many children do you have?  I have two, and they are cool cats. They are funny and sarcastic. And they both have stories for their names.

4. How many pets do you have?  Too many! We have a chubby Corgi who eats anything you leave in reach, including purses, girl scout cookies and to-go boxes, etc. Our Corgi is the owner of a Chihuahua who won't eat a damn thing and who is constantly 'aroused". I had to stop walking him to school because he was afraid of the kids and when approached would immediately roll onto his back so I could answer 13 questions from kindergartners about his 'situation" on display. Sigh. We also have 2 pound cats, one who owns me. Our latest pet is a bearded dragon who spends a lot of the day hanging on the side of the cage. I would like all of our pets better if they did not defecate.

5. Your worst injury.  I abhor exercise, so I do my best not to do any of it. My worst injury was probably childbirth. Yeowch. Totally worth it though. 

6.  Do you have a special talent?  I can find anyone or anything on Google. I will stalk anyone, research anything. The answers are all there and I clearly need to know.it.all. 

7.  Favorite thing to bake.  I prefer to cook instead of bake. I can do good things with my Le Creuset enameled dutch oven, which I have renamed The Magic Pot. 

8. Favorite Fast Food.  Probably a Taco Bravo from Taco Johns, which is a soft shell inside a hard shell. 

9.   Would you bungee jump? Not me. I don't mind heights, but I get nothing out of the stomach lurch from jumping off said height or racing back down at lighting speed. I will stroll down, thankyouverymuch. I always wonder what the pulling up short does to a person's back? 

10.  What is the first thing you notice about people?  Wit. If they're quick on the draw. Lots of smart people, lots of nice people. Not always a lot of witty people. But when I find them, I know it almost immediately. 

11.  When was the last time you cried?  Hmm. I am not a crier. Even alone. I might be a robot. Special Agent says I am Spock. But I was so frustrated when I listened to the the Wyoming legislature fail to pass the gay marriage bill in Wyoming this session that i cried. Sometimes i think I feel the world changing, getting better, y'know? I thought this was one of those times and I was going to hear it, FEEL it change right in front of me. When it didn't, I was crushed. Special Agent was freaked out at my unusual outburst and bought me a drink and hugged my shoulders. 

12.  Any current worries.  I hate wasting time on worrying, I prefer action. I have a few things that are bugging me and I am working them out so they will go the hell away.

13.  Name 3 drinks you drink regularly.  Tea, Diet Pepsi, Crystal Light adult kool aid. 

14.  What’s your favorite book?  The Cliff Walk. I wanted to strangle and hug the author while I watched him slowly catch on.  

15.  Would you like to be a pirate?  No way, they smell. 

16.  Favorite Smells?  Baby heads, fresh cut grass, wood fire, puppy breath, winter air, charcoal.  

17.  Why do you blog?  I originally did it because my life needed a creative outlet. Now my blog and I are on a break. I think i need to put effort into writing something I want to accomplish instead of dicking around. 

18. What song do you want played at your funeral?  I'd Have to Be Crazy, by Willie Nelson.

19.  What is your least favorite thing about yourself.  I'm a know it all.  And bossy. 

20.  Favorite hobby.  Reading, Google, kids. Shit. I need a hobby.

21.  Name something you’ve done, you never thought you would do?  Wouldn't you like to know?

22.  What do you look for in a friend. I don't look for a friend, we just gravitate toward each other and then bam, we're friends. Like DeBie, who I have never met. See #10

23.  Favorite Fun things to do?  Sit in a coffee shop with a friend and laugh my ass off. 

24.  Pet peeves. Lots: Bad manners. Word mispronunciation, like liberry instead of library. inefficiency. 

25.  Whats the last thing that made you laugh?  A video I have seen before with gay men telling heterosexual men that they should support gay marriage so the gay guys don't marry their girlfriends. It's funny no matter how many times you see it. 

Now, I am supposed to tag other bloggers. But I'm being a rebel. If the mood strikes you, consider yourself tagged. 

L is for Liebster

Heloooo. 

Its snowing today and I am glad to be INSIDE. Its nice in here and I am getting some shiz 

done up in this mofo. For reasons unknown, Blogger is whack today and has spacing issues. Just go wit it.

I have been taking a 'Facebreak' the past few days since frankly, I am spending way too 

much time facebooking bloggers about blogging and writing than I am actually blogging 

or writing. I wondered just what I might get done if I stopped mindlessly scrolling through 

Facebook pages for a few days. 

Also, I am starting to think that the concept of knowing EVERYONE's opinions on 

EVERYTHANG and then shotgunning my own out there is probably overrated. Maybe I 

should just think what I think, and let others think what they think and let's call the whole 

thing off. 

In just a few days, I finished a few assignments so my experiment is proving to be 

worthwhile. 



Until.....I got a comment on an older blog post...distraction! Yay! I was su-prised. It was 

from the lovely Modern Mama Dramas, who is much younger than me, but I like anyway. 

Go check her out; she is growing a new little being and has agreed to be my 'off the 

sauce" partner. Don't tell her I already cheated. Urg. 




She was giving my lame ass an award! Pretty nice of her, considering I have been using my 

freelance gig links as blogs for a while, which is technically cheating. She is too good to 

me. So..here are the rules. There are always rules. 

1. Each blogger should post 11 random facts about themselves.

2. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you, then create 11 new questions for the bloggers you pass the award to.

3. Choose 11 new bloggers (with less than 200 followers) to pass the award to and link them in your post.

4. Go back to their page and tell them about the award.

5. No tag backs.

Have you ever moved away from "home"?

I did, and I think it should be required.  I moved from my small town in Wyoming to 

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba about 8 months after I graduated High School, which was and about 

7 months after I got married to Special Agent, without a shotgun, even. (Ain't love grand?)


2. What are your hobbies, besides blogging?

Hmmm. Sadly, Facebook has been a hobby, but I am officially knocking that shit off. I like 

to read, and I suppose one would say that i am ridiculously addicted to Google research. 

Whattanerd. I don't need things to do, i can spaz out on anything. Right now, it's THIS (Click word).


3. Do you go on family vacations; which was your favorite?

We go every few years to a sunny locale with a national language we don't speak. The last 

one was to the Dominican Republic. I highly recommend. We also go camping every year 

to the Big Horn Mountains, and I have to say that is my favorite. Dear Wyoming, I love 

you.

4. Any big plans for 2013?

Not really. While I like change A LOT, I don't really plan ahead about it. I live in the now. 


5. If you could have any animal, real or imaginary, for a pet, what would you choose and 

why?

I want this baby Giraffe. Why?? Uh...duh, because it's awesome. 

6. What's your favorite book/movie?

I like too many to name and it depends on my weird mood of the day. I would be suspect 

of anyone who has just ONE. 


7. It's raining and the kids are home from school, WHAT DO YOU DO?

We like to watch bad TV. The baboos aren't afraid to lay low, like their mother. If we tire 

of that, we'd probably cook. 


8. If you could time-travel, would you go back to the past or into the future?

I hate rules, so I say BOTH. Past to say hi to my Dad and ask him to stop smoking that day. 

I would also like to see my parents when they were young. I would probably totally McFly 

that shit and erase my existence. Fail.

9. Do you censor your posts based on your followers (like family or certain friends)?

Nah, those who know me, know me. Most like me anyway, even if I am one of the few 

social liberals in my state. 


10. Will you keep blogging?

That's a good question. I have become terrible at reading blogs, which is what made me 

start writing one in the first place! I have been thinking at times that blogging can feel 

like a job, a responsibility. One that I don't get paid for but which can impede that which 

I AM paid for. My Spock brain struggles with that computation at times. I will do it as long 

as its fun, but will never forget that the blogosphere isn't real life.

11. You get to meet a role model or idol: who is it and why?

I am not really a fan type, and try to get my role models from my real life, so usually know 

them. It would probably be someone like the Iron Jawed Angels

This is an excellent movie about them, see it! 

So....11 random factoids about moi. I am pretty random, so there. 

Well, I just told you all a bunch of crud above, so....now I feel spent. Be right back, I am 

taking a nap. Just kidding. 


1. I don't drink coffee. I can't stand it. I only drink tea, and only a kind which your 

Grandma and the local pancake house carry. I have tried all of the chi-chi varieties, but I 

always come back to the one with the stupidest name in creation; I don't even like to say 

it.

2. I have a twin sister, who is a much nicer person than I am. I am opinionated and I try to 

push her around. I imagine when she hangs up the phone with me, she occasionally flips 

me the bird. And I don't blame her. 


3. I wake up at 5:55 almost every day so I can lay in bed and watch a whole lotta news. 

While I check my Twitter and read articles. 

4. On one of our first dates, I made Special Agent watch a Manson- family documentary. I 

am surprised he ever came back. Romantic, right? His own weird streak must have kept 

him hanging on.

5. For a time, I used to check the bathroom from behind the shower curtain obsessively 

while showering, something I blame on Rockwell. One day, i just stopped. 


6. I am married to a former Marine-turned-Special-Agent, but I am really a pacifist. 

7. I have no idea who Liebster is. 

8. I sometimes cheat at Words With Friends. But usually because I am too busy to take the 

time to think it out. Fuck, did I really just say I am TOO BUSY FOR SCRABBLE? 

9. I was voted 'most blunt' of my Senior class. Is that a compliment? 

10. My brother was gay and died of AIDS. I have a special needs niece who has half a brain 

and outsmarts me on a regular basis. If you are mean or nasty about gay rights or say the 

words "fag" or "retarded", I will fuck you up. I learned to not say those things as a part of 

speech, and SO CAN YOU. 

11. I am under-emotional and it can make me seem cold, but I am actually astute at 

understanding all elements of a situation and have a lot of empathy. Just because I don't 

burble over with emotion doesn't mean I don't have any. I am just not sharing them with 

you. 


OK! I did it!! 

Now, I would like to tag the following, who are my peeps and are also funny bloggers, 

who like me, struggle to blog it out regularly. Ok, only some of us. Well, really just me. 

Here are their well thought out questions:

1.Where do you do your writing? 

2. Do you have aspirations for a book, or just dicking around? 

3. What do you think non-bloggers, family members and friends think about blogging?

4. Do you think Facebook can also hinder blogging, as well as help spread your name 

around? 
5. Do you like sandwiches? 

6. How are you different from those in your peer group? 

7. Are you on Twitter and actually using it? 

8. Do you read a lot of other blogs, or just use yours as a means for your own thoughts?

9. If you could be a fruit, which one would you choose and why? 

10. Do you think these awards are sometimes too long and time-consuming? 

11. How do you think these arbitrary numbers, like 11 are chosen? 

12. Did you know I was a rebel? 




Reptiles in the Ice Cream

Musings Of Munch

I'll Have It on the Side

The Way I See It...

The Loaded Handbag

Day In and Day Out

I'm Off the Sauce...

That's it.
I'm through.

With drinking, that is. No, don't try to talk me out if if just because it improves my personality. (It improves yours too, y'know.)

I just can't do it anymore, my people. It's time to throw the towel in on casual drinking. And heavy drinking.

I am not a beer swiller, so hanging up my red solo cup is just fine with me.

Every time I have ever done shots, I want to be shot out of a cannon at the onset, but feel like I have BEEN shot the next morning.

But wine...I love her. Especially in red. Especially from Oregon. But wine is like a frenemy; nice to my face but kissing my boyfriend behind my back. I have been told it is called RWH (red wine headache; Google it, yo) but it gets me in every color.

So, that has basically left me with vodka, which I pronounce 'Wodka' when I drink it, because by three I am walking and talking like a Russian mail-order bride.

Wodka has been ok as of late, dressed as a Moscow Mule. Wodka, lime and ginger beer dressed in a copper mug. It feels like summer every day. Yum.

But even Wodka has turned on me, making me have a headache almost immediately. Tsk...Just like the others. Wah.

So go on, booze hounds; live it up. I'll drive your drunk asses home.

Matt Damon is Ruining My Day

Hi there. I am getting my blog on at the Wyoming Policy Institute today, railing about among other things, Matt Damon.

How could I ever be pissed at Matt Damon you ask??

I said, Matt! DO YOU LIKE APPLES?

Go over for a look. I'll wait.

Matt! Stop being a dick! (click here)

Open invite to Matt to come to Wyoming and tell our fine citizens that we don't care about our air, land, water or wildlife.

Those are fighting words, Damon - The Antelope

Yeah..Happy New Year and Junk

I want to be sunshine-y.
I do.
I said I DO.

Trouble is, I don't feel sunshine-y. I feel a little like...
Smog. Mixed with a little acid rain.

This Christmas was suck-ariffic with my mom in the hospital, being tortured by the side effects of the chemo medicine already in her system.

Second worst Christmas on record. And people wonder why I am a grinch.

Anyway, the holidays are over and the new year is here. But my mom is still in the hospital, and still feels like crap. She is napping now, and I am happy she is resting. But I wish she could eat more and not feel un-sunshiny.

So I feel like smog.

I could give two shits about people's resolutions to exercise more, eat Paleo or stop doing crack. (Ok, the last one would be good, carry on).

I just want my mom to get better and get the hell out of here. I want to see my mom pissed off and raging against the effects of this miserable shit she is enduring, even if that means she yells a little. Even at me, eek. What I don't want is her to feel sad and helpless. Because that makes me feel sad and helpless. And smoggy.

I want to stop wearing this fucking face mask, which makes it hard to breathe, or to eat cookies.

Although I manage.

So...sunshine-y? Not me, not today.
Soon.

Until then, I have cookies.

If Wishes Were Layers....

Hello from the Layers, Gangnam holiday style! 

I am dancing under this sweater.

My BFF-pal Munch has tagged me in a neverending-pay-it-forward blog-a-palooza where I am pressured requested to write about 5 wishes I have for Christmas. 

But, here's the thing: 
((whispering)) I don't believe in wishing. 

My swami, Pema Chodron talks a lot about how hope/wishing is really futile since we have to experience what we will experience in our lives without avoidance or wishing it were different or hoping it would be better soon. 

Yes, seriously. 

(Don't judge, read all about my experience with leaning into the sharp points HERE..then love me more and then come back)

Special Agent is somewhere rolling his eyes at this, although he *tries* to get me. He would say the reason I don't wish is due to one of my layers he calls Spock. WHat?? A Willie Wonka comparison a few months ago and now Spock? 

I will admit to being a little overly logical and realistic, and that I have slightly protruding ears, but...Spock? 

Ok, maybe.

But for a friend, specifically the munch who is making women feel better about themselves all over the blogosphere....

My 5 wishes for this holiday season...by the Meanie Onion

1. Of course, my first wish is that my mother remain in cancer ass-kicking mode and that by Valentines Day we no longer throw lingo like 'white blood count', 'chemo pump', and other yucky cancer-y words. We will be over that shit. And still eating a lot of lunch together.

2. My second wish is for the folks in the Oncology waiting room whose situation is much more uncertain than my mother's to kick cancer's ass as well. :( Get well, darlings. 

3.  This one is none of your beeswax.

4. I wish all servicemen and women serving away from their families don't have to be away much longer. 

5. I wish that those who are sad, lonely or unfulfilled by their lives this season find what they need in the New Year. 

There. Done.  Live Long and Prosper and junk. 

I am happy to link up a few fellow bloggers as well who are awesomesauce and deserve a fly-by.  

Check out Munch, linked above as well. I didn't want you to forget, since he is a friend to all bloggers and will definitely give a shout one when earned. 

De Bie Hive - Although we have never met, we have mutual friends. It WILL happen. I know it. 

Reptiles in the Ice Cream is crazy in all the right ways. I love her long time. She also got her own domain, adios Blogspot..

Rowdy Rodney: Also follow him on Facebook. He has a new book out and I am extremely JEALOUS. He also has a cookie line. You heard me. 

I'll Have it on the Side - She and I are having some issues with blogging regularly, but when she does, it's enjoyable goodness.

Onward HO! Layers Visits Social Wyoming..and is Poetic

Hi there,

I have been blogging it UP with more holiday spirit than I feel over at Social Wyoming this week. One silly poem and a fun little chat about 'decking the walls' (see what I did there?). Check it out and leave me some rad comments so my boss will be uber impressed! um...please?

Social Wyoming, Holiday style! (Because Gangnam Style is soooo last week, yo.)

See you there!

And, because I love you and I know...KNOW you will hustle over to Social Wyo to give me some love, this is for you. This is some seriously powdery snow leaping.