Smelf Smarted My Smelf

Dammit people....

I smelf smarted my smelf again.

I downloaded commentLuv because I thought I knew what I was doing, but as it turns out...no.

Now my lovely readers can't leave me comments. Even to help me with this problem. I'm annoyed.


Please help me. IT is not one of my layers. Please send help to staciemcdonaldpr@gmail.com

Texas Takeout...or When to Eat IN...

While I waited for take-out dinner, I had a peek around the bar to see what kind of man-folk they had to offer in San Antonio, in case my newly single and smokin' hot sis wanted to guss up and come down. Here is what was available in the bar:

He looks a little like feathered-hair "Steff" from Pretty in Pink in a bad way.

The puca-shell necklace and girl sunglasses combined with the pleated khakis did me in. 

Fail.

These two tigers looked like they had slept in the alley,
and said "Dude" every other word.
Long sleeves or tank top?
Long hair or backward ball cap?
You decide. 

I told them Stephanie was lonely and available *snicker* and I would send her right down. I did not tell them she snores.

A lot of oh-so-tempting selections....but she stayed in the room with me. Is she a great sister or WHUT?

Clicking Heels Together...

I am still on vacation, and I need to go home soon so I can rest. 

If you haven't been following (and why haven't you, huh?) I am on a wild and crazy Texas Adventure with my sister and her baboos. 

I am exhausted. 

I can't find my phone charger.

I miss my own sweet baboos (who are probably grown up and smoking cigarettes in my 4-day long absence)

The weather is Bee-yoo-ti-ful, (and not even humid) so that's extra nice. Even nicer is a Starbucks right around the corner from the hotel. I visit it daily, sometimes with one of the Twins with me, usually Mick.

While I work a little, he plays his DS and feeds the local wildlife processed doughnuts.

Don't tell PETA, these aren't whole grain..

He also fits under the dresser in his swimming trunks (look close, it was dark and I only take photos with my blackberry) 

We offered to let him sleep there.

We did the Alamo, Sea World, and a lot of walking around San Antonio's Riverwalk. My sister is the most tourist-y tourist since my Dad. She takes 10,000 photos of buildings and things and wants to see it ALL. She makes me take a lot of photos with her swanky camera and loves campy boat rides and cheeseball souvenirs. I have to work not to be a spoil-sport when we are taking yet another photo of her and the kids (who are wrecked and whining and staring off into space, as am I) by one section of the Riverwalk that she especially likes. She tells me often that she thinks "the kids would really like" this or that, and I throw the bullshit flag out there, because Clark Griswold Jr. is really the one who is dying to see the wax museum, or have the Mariachi play for our table of bland guacamole and enchiladas. So, we humor her.  

Sea World was fun but crowded, although i almost died from guilt that my own Baboos weren't there. The Twins would have enjoyed having their cousins around, and they would have liked the water park rides and the shows. I hope to take them soon and "pretend" like it's my first time. 

Mick liked Sea World...almost as much as the hotel pool.

There is a teeny-tiny little yellow frog in this photo...somewhere.

Today we went to Morgan's Wonderland , a playland for kids with special needs and their families and friends. What a cool place! 

I think I tend to forget how tough it must be to live in Madigan's world, with someone constantly holding your hand, arm, or locking you in the house, the stroller, the car seat, the closet (Juuust kidding!), etc. To our credit, she will haul ass (and has, on occasion) if you don't pay close attention. Just today, she almost escaped the hotel room. I wish I could say that has never happened before.

Anyway, Morgan's Playland was extremely welcoming and had folks with all types and varieties of disability both working and playing there. There were also some families who appeared to have no disability in their group, who were just having a good time too. No matter, we all bailed in. We were their first visitors from Wyoming, one of their last two states to be represented. They were pretty revved up about that, so we felt like celebrities.

The first thing they did was slap a plastic locator on each of us so we could keep track of everyone. 

That's my weird hand, looking kind of elderly.

Then, they showed us this neat-o scanner that showed us a map of the park

and when we ran just one of our bracelets across the scanner......viola!

This would be neater looking if we all weren't standing
together, mouths agape at the technology

it showed EACH of our locations. We had no worries about losing anyone. Very cool.

Also, the place wasn't crammed with people like Sea World had been, so we released the death grip on Mads and

watched.

her.

go.

There were at least 3 of this type of structure

It was kind of like a game of  "Where's Waldo", except we didn't try very hard. 

Although there were lots of cool things to do and see at MW, we couldn't get Mads to leave the expansive playgrounds long enough to enjoy them for very long. She was absolutely content to run amok in and around the structures, up the stairs, down the slides, and so on. She was laughing the whole time, hugging random strangers and playing with her brother. There were several other special needs parents and their children too, so the whole place had an air of togetherness and understanding.

I caught myself getting veklepmt as I watched pure joy in action. Just a little. A smidge.

Sniff.

Madigan broke me from my swell of emotion by becoming Madzilla, the feared creature. 

She would not be caught. 

She could not be tamed.

She would not eat lunch.

She's a maniac...

Maaa-niac, on the floor..

and she's dancing like she's never danced before....

 A kid with LITERALLY half of a working brain continually eluded my sister and I for the better part of five hours.

Whoa...they're calling me - scram!

Uh-oh - retreat...

  

perhaps camouflage...

She had the best time, and the staff liked us so much, they invited us back tomorrow, free of charge. If we don't die of exhaustion, we might consider it. 

At the end of the day, we crawled to our rented mini van, completely and totally spent. We were all a little cruddy and mads looked like Pigpen. 

She became one who needed a nap. 

Because God knows we needed one too. We agreed she would be asleep in 5 minutes.

She didn't sleep on the drive.

She didn't rest in the room. 

In fact, she went swimming. 

Only by welding her to bed did we get her to conk out. 

Now, we can't sleep. 

My friend Windybot commented that he made me a "Wordle". I was very impressed.

What is a wordle?

Apparently, this is.


I still don't get it, but it's pretty.

Thanks, Windybot!

Something Borrowed, Something Half Assed....

Bee-bee-bee-bb-eebee-bb-beee ****My battery is dying and I am typing in the dark with the Twin and her fam sleeping all around me like yard dogs. Nonetheless, i HAD to get this out:


The fabulous and wonderful Blogess wrote a post HERE about a fun new site she came across called "Yes, that can be my next tweet"  that was slap-ass hysterical, and i couldn't resist. This site looks at your past tweets and then comes up with what it THINKS could be your next. Stupendous!


I am not much of a tweeter, so I doubt I gave them much to work with. I used to use Twitter for work, but it just didn't last. I started using it during the legislature, but crapped out when the session ended. I most recently converted it for this blog, so you can see we have a mish- mosh of silly going on. You have to try this; here are mine:

1. I DID update...how about my waistband...of my waistband...of my Virginia..
2. I DID update...how about you? Devon Energy Corp. presented $26,000 to Pi$$ Me Off A Lot of Layers: A Lot.
3. I figured I suspect it more for work.
4. Wall Street Journal - we are getting somewhere. testing, 1..2..3..
5. Crawfish Crisis!
6. Thanks! Sage grouse as butterfly - great idea.
7. Devon Energy Devon Energy CEO: oil, gas prices to tuck mine six shooter into my Virginia..
8. I hear you can make working out a comedy sitcom...I might actually believe you.
9. Eh, hoser! I agree completely.

Seriously, hosers....what else can i say? 

I Heart Texas Weather...With a Cherry on Top

The Stars at night....are big and bright.. (CLAP_CLAP-CLAP!) Deep in the heart. of...well, you know.

Greetings from Texas, Y'all!

Although check in with lots of bags was a little hectic, once we unloaded some of the gear the Twins did well on both flights and in the airports. So did their nervous flier of a mother. She didn't freak out once! 

This was AFTER we checked the bags...
We needed a Sherpa

My sis played a round of "Tune in Tokyo" with the TSA over some vanilla snack packs for Madzilla, and although I sniped at the TSA crew a little (the mother of the special needs kid - REALLY?) I was just secretly glad it wasn't me. 

Safety First

So here we are, in lovely San Antonio (don't try to break in at my house, Special Agent and the Baboos are there and they will fill you full of lead.)

The weather is delicious
The Riverwalk is in bloom
It's Fiesta week

Do we look tired? We are.

By the time we got in yesterday, we were pretty tired. We walked around some, and then ate at the Rainforest Cafe, against our better judgement. The kids liked the jungle atmosphere, and the food was what was expected. No matter, since the kids didn't bother to eat theirs. Their Mom and Aunt did.

We also took a boat tour, which was more fun that we expected and let us see a lot of the places we would like to visit. Mads got a little tired (who am I kidding, we were all tired - it had been an early morning flight) so we headed back to the room.

Mick wanted to go to the pool, so Mads and I hung out in the room where she took a swim in the tub..

and threw her pj's in when I wasn't looking.
Fail.

Then we had some quiet quality time looking our of our hotel window to the Riverwalk below. This is one cool kid.

For a mostly non-verbal guy, we talked about
a lot of the people going by below.

While walking, Stephanie and I were wildly jealous of all of the bars and restaurants that were not "Mick and Mads friendly", so we drowned our sorrows in some room service.

They forgot the guac and you know what? We made them bring it too...

Vacation rocks.

You know what else rocks? My pal Hannah from Erratic Questions About a Simple Life gave me an award yesterday, wasn't that nice of her?

The rules say I have to list 3 things I like about myself.
hmm. This should have caught me on a higher self esteem day.

1.  I like that I have an easy time telling the truth. I don't like bullshit and I try not to shovel it outward. You will probably NEVER wonder how I feel about a topic. (I said these are things I like about me, not necessarily things others like about me...)

2. I like that I can find almost anything, anywhere. I can find things on the Internet, and I can find things Special Agent and the Sweet Baboos have lost. The secret is that I keep looking, but don't tell them that. They think I am *magic*. As far as the Internet, I just can't leave queries like "who sang the theme song to Top Gun" type of questions unanswered. (Danger Zone, Kenny Loggins)

3. I like that I am not afraid to see something is not working for me, and change it. This means I change jobs a lot, like this latest adventure into consulting. If this ever stops working, I will make something else work instead. (But I sure hope I don't have to and so far....good stuff).

I am also supposed to pass it on to 5 7 ( too many good ones!) blogs I think are deserving of a Cherry on Top. Please take the time to go check these folks out, I certainly do...usually when I am supposed to be doing my work instead. They won't disappoint:

1. Absolutely Narcissism - Seriously, don't drink beverages while reading. They will come out of your nose.

2.The Barefoot Foodie - So much more than food. And she has good hair.

3.Dangerous Leanings - Although he has boy cooties, and write about Scotch and video games - I Lurve him.

4.Miss Tracey Nolan - She reminds me of a friend I wished I knew better in school who is just so damn cool.

5. Reptiles in the Ice Cream - So what if she is obsessed with Paula Poundstone in a way I can't completely understand? She cracks me up.

6. The Loaded Handbag - While the photo of the martinis sold me initially, this writer's posts about "Match Day" had me on pins and needles.

These two are new guys and you should give them a look - funny stuff!!

1.  The Way I See It - Allison just started this, and while I feel sorry for her new terrible diet, she makes me laugh.

2. I'll Have it on the Side - Her post about computer dating made me snort a little. I was glad I was alone.

 

The TSA Feel Up, Rise and Repeat

I am headed to Texas tomorrow and I have had A LOT of things to do, but instead I have been hanging around most of the day reading other people's blogs and now...well, you know.  I woke up at 2:30 AM, having anxiety about the things I need to accomplish before I go, like a few client projects, my taxes, losing 10 lbs and getting a tan. Well, at least I will get the client projects completed. Later.

If you are just checking in, you can learn more about my upcoming Texas adventure here. The weather is supposed to be in the 80's, so I am stoked (dude.) since we have had not much besides wind, rain and snow here in the Rockies.

What I am NOT looking forward to is the feel up from the TSA. I have been through many a small airport and I am apparently the one who looks most like a terrorist. It's the Blackberry, really shitty bag and the People Magazines. Everyone knows that Taliban rebels shop at Target and MUST stay apprised of what the Kardashians are up to....

I travel light...and I look great in olive drab!
Image Credit

One of my best TSA trips was in a tiny town on the Montana/Canada border. It was 5:30 am, and there was snow up to my armpits in the hotel parking lot. After digging out my rental car with a Starbucks lid, I crawled out to the airport to get out of the god-forsaken town I was working in that week. 

I had bought among way too many other things, a set of really nice knives for Special Agent (this town had remarkable shopping for such a tiny place) which I had stuffed into my suitcase. I was a little worried at how the weaponry (for steak and veggies) would be received and what kind of internal probing I would have to tolerate at that hour to get them home. 

The TSA agent gave me the eyeball, but just said if I checked my bag instead of gate checking,  I was A-ok. I considered telling her there was no chance in hell of touching my gate checked bag, over my check-checked bag, so what was the difference?, but I hadn't had enough caffeine for such chatter so I watched her try to zip my bag back up with amusement instead. I had really shopped this time. ((evil grin....))

A man came whooshing in the automatic doors with a HUGE crate and the TSA person zipped my undies up in the side of my bag and threw it on the cart. She jerked her thumb to the 4 chairs in the holding pen (quite the metropolitan airport, this was) so I scrammed. 

Nosily, i craned to hear that the gentleman with the crate was boarding a Golden Eagle.  You heard me. All sharp beak and claws, razor sharp vision and what not. Boy howdy, who gives a shit about my knives now? The man would not be joining, so it would just be the eagle. I wondered if they would allow him to fly unaccompanied, or would he have to sit with an attendant? Would he get the mini wings? Would he get to meet the jr. pilot?

Window or aisle? 

The TSA woman was explaining to the man that she had to take the bird OUT of the crate in order to"clear" the crate. Apparently, the Taliban also was hiring Golden Eagles. The man was frustrated and was offering to "squish" the eagle to one side and then the other so she could see clearly into the crate. The very wise-will-make-you-take-a-sweater-off-of-a-6-month-old-baby-TSA said "No." The eagle must come all of the way out of the crate to clear the crate. 

She stood her ground, or ..slouched her ground. 

The gentleman scratched his underneath his hat bill, frustrated. It really was quite early and he explained he had just wadded the bird into the crate and gotten him settled down enough to come here. 

I craned my nosy neck to hear and see this noise, but I couldn't see around the barrier. 

I could hear a lot of ruffling however, followed by what Mutual of Omaha would describe in a whisper as:

{{..a very pissed off bird..}}

Lots of squaking and whatnot. The handler was annoyed to have roused the bird again, and was complaining about the added stress of the bird. The TSA agent sounded very nervous and I wondered about her stress level as well. One false move and she would be working as a Pirate at Long John Silver's. Again.

Finally they stuffed Goldie back in with only a few more guttural crabby bird sounds and we loaded the plane. 

Just me and the Golden Eagle. Well, he went below, so I sat above all by myself, thinking how the Eagle was down there with my steak knives. Safe and sound, from each other. 

Thank God for the TSA.