Saturday, May 28, 2011

Indie Ink Challenge - Denial

I should have paid attention, but I didn't.
She kept her cards to her chest, but still,
I should have noticed.
If I was paying attention.

When I thought there was trouble, I worked, toiled to fix it.
I knew exactly what we needed to do.
I told her so.
Insisted, even.

I was tireless, but she just seemed tired.
Or resigned?
I felt better.
I felt things were ok.
I told myself they were.

Mostly, because I wanted them to be.

One day, she said she was leaving
But I didn't believe her until she was gone.

I told myself it was temporary.
I told myself she would be back.
She said she wouldn't.

I told her I knew how to fix things.
To fix me.
I could be different.
She said she didn't want me to change
She said she just wanted a chance in scenery.
Scenery I wasn't in.

I told others she would be back.
They looked at me.
They didn't believe it.
I pretended not to notice.

They tried to help me see that she wouldn't be back
I knew that if I did all of the things I should have done
If I worked harder
she'd be back.
she'd come back.

She'd come back.

Time has passed, and she is still gone.
She has moved on to another place
and another person.
I hope in a few months she will realize that she misses our life.
Misses me.

I think she will.
I really do.

I really do.

This week's Indie Ink writing challenge came from Disease, who challenged me to write about Denial. This is hard for me, since after growing up to the tune of "everything will turn out ok", I am realistic and up-front to a fault, even with myself. 

I challenged Michael Webb to write about Shame. Denial, Shame...we're a happy bunch over at Indie Ink, no? Next week we'll write about bunnies, promise. Shameful bunnies.


The Thumber said...

Wow- this hit really close to home. Although (it seems) this is about a man and a woman, the words can easily be telling the story of my daughter and I. I could easily be the narrater of this. It's how I feel.

The Defiant Marshmallow said...

Oh yes. Some serious denial here. I think this hits close to home for so many people. Most won't admit it though, because they're in denial.

Nicely done.

Chamindra H said...

Superbly Done !! :) Great reply to the challenge.. Congrats !!

Wow, that was awkward said...

Sounds like if she came back it would only be to bitch slap him.

Caroline Gerardo said...

Samuel Beckett meets Mary Oliver woah baby that one has me in the heart. excellent

Dafeenah said...

Denial and shame, that's my kind of theme lol.

You did an excellent job with this. You captured it so well. That internal monologue we have with ourselves some of it consciously some unconsciously. Brilliant.

supermaren said...

Good job, and it's good that you were able to stretch yourself!

Anonymous said...

This was great. Wow, we have all been there. I know I have. Denial is a temporary shield I think. It helps us get ready for acceptance. Tough stuff. Great job.

Head Ant said...

This is a familiar tale for many of us.

Tara R. said...

A painfully honest look at denial. Wonderful treatment of your challenge.