Special Agent's Rules for Manly Manliness (as observed by the Onion)

Note that our specimen wears no turtleneck, pants or jewelry.
His barber must be booked through the holidays.

While no formal list exists, my husband maintains a basic list of personal rules for manly men, to include:

1.  No turtlenecks or sweater vests. Nyet.

2.  No drinking from straws (exception - fast food cups which come with a lid..sometimes.)

3. No jewelry except wedding rings, watches and cuff links. Don't even THINK of wearing a bracelet.   
    Hemp or puka shell necklaces are verboten. No, no, no.

4.  When possible, men should have their hair cut by a barber, (where fishing is discussed) and not in a salon.

5.  No matter the weather, no umbrellas. Ever. You will get wet. You will not mind.

6. No perfume.  That means cologne too. I think aftershave in small quantities made the cut.

7. No putting lotion on your hands. Soft hands are not manly.

These are rules I had never thought of as specifically unmanly and they cracked me up as I learned them. However, I have become a subscriber over the years.  When I see a man with an umbrella, I am immediately thinking "uh oh.., breaking the code." The Puka shell necklace makes me cringe, but I think I would have gotten there on my own.  Kenny Chesney, take note.




Kenny, fire your stylist.

                  
I have been taking a straw poll and have found that all men seem to have their own list for manly manliness. A google search was ablaze with lists, sites, even books! They include some and none of these above listed elements.

Some of the other noteworthy items include:

 - Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. EVER. Issue closed.
 - Never use eight words when four will do.
 - Do not listen to "***** music" such as Erasure, Color Me Badd, or Oldies (no idea what the stars mean)

Other crazy lists....
International Rules of Manliness
Man Stuff - Rules for Manliness
Return to Manliness - Yard Beer (this one just made me laugh)

Now, before anyone gets offended, these are Special Agent's rules. For HIM. He isn't trying to impress his rules upon anyone else. However, if he sees you in a restaurant, with a gold bracelet on (drinking sweetly out of a straw) you're going to get the eyebrow (There is some flexibility for Europeans, who can rock this look.) But your choices are all yours. But know, he is internally making fun of you over chips and salsa. It isn't nice. I know that. Pull up your big boy turtleneck and get on with it.
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