Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Crud is in the Hiz-Ouse.

An e-bola like crud has descended upon our household. 

Stomach viruses are awesome....said no one ever. 

I have managed to avoid a major collision with the bug, but have been sideswiped a little between bouts of caring for the infirmed. But I AM NOT SICK.

Special Agent and I don't "do" sick. It isn't allowed around here. We reject illness. When it inevitably strikes one of us, this is how the conversation goes

Spouse A: ((sniff)) ((Cough-cough, gag))

Spouse B: You ok?

Spouse A: I'm fine. ((clearing throat))

Spouse B: No you aren't....Oooh, you're getting SICK!!!

Spouse A: No I'm not. ((squinting evil eye at Spouse B)) I'm FINE. 

Spouse B: Yea-heah..Youuuuu're sick. ((Smiling))

Spouse A: I'M NOT SICK!!!

Spouse B: Sick. Siiiiiick. Sick-sick-sick-sick.

Spouse A: Shut up. 

Spouse B: ((singing)) sickety-sick-pants....

Spouse A: SHUT UP! SHUT YOUR MOUTH ((random violence))

Spouse B: ((Walking away backward while mouthing)) SICK.

Special Agent calling me an hour later to
say..."you're sick". ...Jerk.
It isn't much better with our kids. When they say they feel sick, we literally try to talk them out of it. We have had a modicum of success with the strategy and will hold out on it until someone has a fever or throws up TWICE. (Once could just have been a fluke, a bad clam, whatev.) 

Fevers and continued vomiting are a no argument illnesses. Your body is literally PROVING its ill. Fine. Fiiiine. You're sick. 

But how long does this have to go on, geez???? 

Both kids have been through two days EACH of smashing their germy bodies into our couch, intermittently throwing up and groaning. I throw crackers through the door into the couch area and roll a bottle of Gatorade their way. 

 I try to be nice and kind, but I don't have a ton of stamina after about...4 hours of this sick business. You've thrown up everything you could possibly have had in your body (and then some). Get well...Now. 

Consequently, our kids are pretty tough. The insurance lady just noted with amazement that we haven't had a claim yet this year for either kid. And I haven't even been employing my fish antibiotic treatment

Our daughter has yelled at me several times today that she is FINE, in between school, trying out for basketball, doing her math homework and throwing up. I keep winging crackers at her,but she won't eat 'em. 

So don't come over. Stay far away from us for at least 10 days. We have a little something going on around here. 



DeBie Hive said...

Good luck with that...if it works, maybe I should try it. LOL

Munch said...

Would you believe I've never gotten a stomach virus / flu... or at least the symptoms of? That's cray cray, right? That should make you feel better knowing at least one person is going to survive the pandemic your releasing, no?

Sandra said...

DO not worry, I want nothing to do with the lot of ya if you're sick (You are sick, aren't ya? Sickety-sick-sick!) I like the tossing of the crackers at them though. Unfortunately in my home, I somehow get wedged on the couch under one of the infirmed, and must endure lame ass Disney shows while holding a bucket. That in itself is worse than me actually having the bug. Good luck to you all. May you come out of this armed with tools for battle that the rest of us can only dream of.

Nicki said...

STOMACH BUGS ARE THE WORST. Second only, maybe, to food poisoning, because then you can't eat whatever you got sick on for like, eight years, because of all the bad memories. But then I guess that can happen with whatever you're eating when the stomach bug hits. So again: STOMACH BUGS ARE THE WORST.

I'm hoping your family made it through alive, and that you escaped unscathed!