Sunday, February 27, 2011

Super Effin' Fabulous Academy Awards Party *Tonight*

In my dreams, this is what I am saying/writing:

So sorry my dear, I wish I could write a longer post, but I am much, much too busy working with the caterer to make sure my edible gold Academy award statuettes and Crudités are ready to be placed upon the buffet for my spectacular Academy Awards party tonight. Sorry, I wish there were more openings for you to attend, but I am certain, absolutely certain you would find such a high brow soiree a complete and total bore, dahling.

In reality, I will probably lay on the couch in my see-no-yoga yoga pants half asnooze, hoping to come to life to wipe the slobber off of my couch pillow to see Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Movie, etc.

Unfortunately, my timing will be off so I will probably be jarred to life just in time to see the award presented for Best Sound Mixing. Or that time when they talk about how the Academy ballot system works. Time for some more Thin Mints out of the freezer, methinks! (Hey, who slobbered on this pillow? Kids are so gross)

Sadly, I haven't even seen but one of the major movies nominated this year. I HAVE seen a shitload of 5th grade basketball games however. So while I can speak in detail about the Orange Crush whipping ass and having said ass whipped by other throngs of 5th graders, I've got nothing on the movies, for the  most part.

I considered spending this entire weekend going to movie after movie, since some of the Academy movies were/are here, but A) what am I, childless? and B) what am I, a millionaire? C) what am I, paying close enough attention to realize only the King's Speech is still here?

I was able to catch The Social Network last night, and while I am not sure it was as life changing as Facebook itself, it was a compelling story and the acting was as expected.

The actor playing an almost Asperger-like Zuckerberg did a great job of portraying a lonesome kid who has a tough time making connections with people, but no trouble making computer connections. I was reminded of my Engineer post, and the often heard joke

"Engineers: they know 1,000 ways to fuck, but don't know any women" (sorry, Mom).

I thought the Winklevoss brothers Zuckerberg is accused of stealing the Facebook idea from were are a little bit contrived, and make me think of  every John Hughes rich pretty boy character from the 80's. However, after looking them up, they do in fact, look like the preppy douches portrayed. Good work, casting!
Special Agent actually walked by this photo and asked "are those girls??"

Justin T. does a good (but nothing spectacular job) of being the coattail riding sleaze Ryan Parker of Napster fame. I definitely felt bad for the one true friend of Zuckerberg, who truly gets screwed in the movie. I hope his unpublished settlement was worth being cut out.

I can't help but wonder how accurate the story is. While the settlements were factual, there is no telling how much of the rest of the movie is, especially since Mark Zuckerberg hasn't spoken about what isn't true in the movie, just that it isn't a true representation. In any case, it is completely interesting to me, as a current Facebook addict.

Still, it doesn't seem that it is worth a gold statue. Of course, what would I know? Its the only movie in the bunch that I've seen.

Enjoy the Academy Awards tonight, Dahlingzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**By the way, my pal JS actually got to go to the awards with her Techie-amazing husband, and got to walk on the red carpet. She rocks. Me and my socks, not so much. ***


Hannah said...

I haven't seen any of the movies that are nominated and actually don't really pay attention to the award shows at all (unless it's to see who ended up on the best/worst dressed lists.) But, I'm a big Colin Firth fan, so I'm hoping that movie wins whatever it's nominated for.

ladymadonna99 said...

I had the best intentions to see all of the Oscar nominated flicks this year and ended up seeing...none. (Recall that early on we were all supposed to take a road trip with Bushrod Sinclair that never materialized, lol)However, from my extensive Internet research, I think I'm really pulling for The King's Speech and True Grit. Melissa Leo's (BSA The Fighter) Oscar campaign has REALLY soured me on her as a person, and I find Natalie Portman pretentious at best on my most generous days.

So, dahling, tonight I will be relaxed on my own couch with a bottle of cheap hooch watching and giggling along with you. We should text!!

Anonymous said...

I love the joke, and Nick even found it humerous!


Anonymous said...

Do you mind if I bring some blueberry beer and scream inappropriate shit about not fitting in? ;-)

The Onion said...

I am now glad I called it the "effing" party, since Melissa Leo started the night off right by saying F in her acceptance speech.

On a high note, Kirk Douglas with improved speech and a bit of randiness. Go on with your bad boy self, Kirk.

Although I normally like Anne Hathaway, she took giddy schoolgirl to an all time high.

Sandra said...

Sounds like you and I had a similar Academy Award night, except I wasn't snoozing, I was cutting the matts out of my shitzhu's fur.
You are hilarious! I love the reference to the twins in Social Media as douches. I loved the movie, and yes, sadly, it was the only one I had seen that was nominated.
Oh, and Anne Hathaway made me vomit a little bit in my mouth.

The Onion said...

Anne was making me squint, I think she and Franco got their meds mixed up.

Lazarus said...

Loved your pithy analysis!

PS Tried to make my comment pity as well...

windybot said...

I think a shitload of 5th graders sweating it out in a gym would've been much more entertaining.