I want to be sunshine-y.
I said I DO.
Trouble is, I don't feel sunshine-y. I feel a little like...
Smog. Mixed with a little acid rain.
This Christmas was suck-ariffic with my mom in the hospital, being tortured by the side effects of the chemo medicine already in her system.
Second worst Christmas on record. And people wonder why I am a grinch.
Anyway, the holidays are over and the new year is here. But my mom is still in the hospital, and still feels like crap. She is napping now, and I am happy she is resting. But I wish she could eat more and not feel un-sunshiny.
So I feel like smog.
I could give two shits about people's resolutions to exercise more, eat Paleo or stop doing crack. (Ok, the last one would be good, carry on).
I just want my mom to get better and get the hell out of here. I want to see my mom pissed off and raging against the effects of this miserable shit she is enduring, even if that means she yells a little. Even at me, eek. What I don't want is her to feel sad and helpless. Because that makes me feel sad and helpless. And smoggy.
I want to stop wearing this fucking face mask, which makes it hard to breathe, or to eat cookies.
Although I manage.
So...sunshine-y? Not me, not today.
Until then, I have cookies.