Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Family Cancer Social Blitz O' Rama...It's A Layer

Hi, hello..

Unlike cool bloggers, I don't have those special days in which I post, except the occasional Throat-punch Thursday, which occasionally occurs on Monday. Or Saturday. Or skips a week.

This day, I am calling Random Wednesday. I had to check the calendar to make sure I was on the right day. It's that random, yo.

I have a few things I want to chat about:

Those of you who knowS me, knowS I don't likes to share a lot about tough times or the accompanying feelings beyond self-righteousness or annoyance. But I shared on my Layers Facebook page (you aren't on it? get going!) that my mom has a small case of cancer, which I am rudely calling "Cancer Light". Before you yell at me about minimizing my poor decrepit (she isn't, she's fab) mother's illness, you needS to knowS a few more things.
  • My mother's cancer was caught SUPER early and has been mostly banished from Sandy-land with the biopsy. She got an A+ on her PET scan test! ((Beaming))
  • I minimize shtuff because it makes me feel less afraid. 
  • Compared to the many very ill people at the oncology center, I feel relieved about my mom's prognosis and 95% treatment success rate.
  • I joke about serious matters because it makes me feel less afraid
  • I am emotionally stunted
I have guilt that I shared about my mom's diagnosis, since it is her beeswax, but I can't stuff the cancer cat back in the bag  (I also can't keep our real cat off of the lizard cage either, but that is another story).

Cancer is suckariffic and my mom is handling her treatment like the woman she is. She looks awesome and you wouldn't know she was even taking treatments if I hadn't just rudely announced it in the blogosphere. I shouldn't have shared it, but I was so fecking annoyed last week that i couldn't stop myself from posting a public service announcement asking people not to ask those who have cancer WHERE THEIR CANCER IS. This is none of your business. And don't ask her meanface daughter either.

Ask TWIN, she is the nice one.

If you feel you must ask (don't), and the person you ask quietly replies that it is in a place that people don't want to share about, don't AGAIN ask "really, where???". 

Please stop it.

I know you are curious and concerned in a mostly good way, and I will happily regale you with the details of radiation, chemo pumps, white blood counts, my research on Probiotics and my rock-star mother's handling of it all, I promise. But please don't look at her in alarm with what she is calling "the cancer eyes" and screech "I hope your beautiful red hair doesn't fall out!!". 

Seriously, stop that right now.

Although I wish my mom didn't have cancer, there has been a weird silver lining. (Hey, look-a-me being all sunshin-y and shizzle again, yo!)

We are all busy in our family and our extended family life suffers. We can barely manage to get a meal in together which doesn't occur on a national holiday or an anniversary of someone's passing (those lunches just piss me off). I have been openly pouting about this for some time, even demanding I be invited to dinner randomly. We have gotten better, but...we still stink at it.

Until recently.

We have been transporting my very able-bodied mother to treatment every day, taking turns with TWIN. The treatment is pretty fast most days, leaving time to run some errands for my mom in order to keep her away from germs and also just to carry heavy stuff and do the hearing for her (she is hard of hearing). But the cool part is that TWIN and I and Sandy are spending some serious quality time! Some days, I join TWIN on her day for a lunch trio, and she joins mine. It's a FAMILY-CANCER-SOCIAL-BLITZ! 

Did I just say that? You know I did. 

It will be nice if we can keep it up once we don't have to worry about those pesky treatments any longer. Fuck you, treatments!

I had a lot more to tell you, but I forgot. But, I promised some randomness, so....

Dr. Phil's wife appears to be aging backward.


Oh, and there is this. I am proud (most days) to say that this crazy Al Simpson character is from my state. He hasn't always voted my way, but the dude exudes common sense. And, he is hip. Even with a bum knee. Gangnam Al! 

(If you think this is funny, check him out on YouTube saying Snoopy Poopy Poop Dog.)
Al Simpson, please be my grandpa.
And...I'm OUT!


The Onion said...

Are my comments broken?

Catherine said...

I don't think you should be blamed for sharing - that's a lot of stuff to deal with! It's bound to leak out. But is sounds like you guys are taking good care of your mom. Keep it up, it makes such a huge difference to be loved in hard times. (I know that's sappy, but it's true so I wrote it anyhow)

Just Jane said...

I am extremely behind in my blog reading and normally I would read and then skulk away shamefully and quietly but! I love that stupid Al Simpson Gangnam style video! I guffawed aloud at it when I first saw it.

Also, my mom had a "small" case of cancer about 10 years ago. She told me early on in her radiation treatments how everyone wanted to give her a hug and she appreciated their concern but also really wished she had some body armor to wear so she could protect herself from all their touchy feely. So I gave her a coconut bra. I don't think I've ever heard my mom laugh so loud and long as the moment she opened the gift and realized what it was.