Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Because Sometimes, I Get Bored of Me...

*sigh* I am a little sick of me. Bo-rang. I have been stalking pestering a new Facebook friend (whose status updates crack me up) to get her own blog. So far, she isn't listening cooperating. I finally convinced her to guest post. She came up with the post in about 10 minutes. She was born to blog. 


And she has an "I love Lucy" thing going on. 


I will never be this cool.


Please to enjoy Trophy Wife.


Trophy Wife


Going to pick my daughter up from school can feel like high school all over again.  You know the ones I'm referring to.  The perfect moms.  The “Mom-petitors”. The ones who intimidate you through their sheer MILF-ness. They do everything right (and tell you about). They don't use T.V. as a babysitter. They only eat organic food. Their kids can't have sugar or Nyquil (Jk. I don't give my kids Nyquil. A bottle of cheap whiskey lasts longer).  Until my daughter started school I had no idea what elimination communication was…

It smells like someone has"eliminated" 
pureed beets in their pants...
There is one such mom at my daughter’s school. She has the most perfect body, perfect hair, $150 jeans. She smells of vanilla. I LOVE her clothes (I'm in a snuggie by the way). I love and hate her. Part of me wants to be her, while the other part is glad I'm not. I could never live up to that. Too much pressure…

Her daughter is my daughter’s best friend. I was invited to her house once. It was like a pottery barn catalog. We ate organic muffins and she gave me some black walnut oil for my dish pan hands. I was never invited back.

After a drunken Scentsy party I found out why. My daughter said "Jesus Christ" while there and the mom heard her. Her exact words were "I was heart-sick to hear such awful words come out of such a beautiful mouth". My daughter is 6. It turns out she’s spent the last few months trashing my daughter to the other moms.

Well……… I'm angry. I cry.  I call everyone who will listen. I drive to my son’s school and cry to his teacher. Then my mind works through old school revenge. Slashed tires? Tell everyone she uses medical marijuana? Make up a rumor we "experimented" together (I'm a sick person, don't judge). Instead I spend the next 2days posting cryptic FB messages and quotes about judgment.

What ended up happening was people sent me messages and texts asking if i was ok. They brought me cookies. They listened to me bitch and moan. I realized i was loved even though I'm not perfect. Even though my kids 
sometimes cuss and we eat Mcdonalds and watch tv. I'm a real person and that’s hard enough.

We have a very unstructured bedtime routine...


If you do try to everything right that’s ok too. Just cut yourself some slack; you're more lovable with flaws.
And if you do run out of organic milk the other stuff won't kill your kid….


(well, not right away anyway…)

26 comments:

Blondie said...

I think we should be best friends...

Anonymous said...

Hey Trophy Wife...I think I know you...just maybe...Good post. =0)

prinzesstephi said...

Love it!! Much love and by the way, she's got nothing on you... She's so plastic that she stinks of her loathed BPA

AudlyLuvly said...

I love it!! She's not really that hot, either ;D Didn't want to hang out w/ the plastic's in high school, don't want to now!!

Rosa (please roll the R) said...

arsenic is organic *smirk*...make some cute little muffins ...in a handcrafted basket of course...

Christi said...

Love the video! As the mom of a 7 month old, I must admit, I have kept a poop journal...

Emily said...

This was a great post! And it was so nice to read something that lets me know I'm not the only one going through kid drama! Thank you so much for commenting on my post and sending your friend my way. It was very nice to read her thoughts since she is a teacher in my situation as well. I LOVE this post!!!

Danger Boy said...

The nerve of that woman! Trashing a kid for saying "JC"? I'd march right over there and fire off the 21 F Bomb salute!
How is it that people are more judgmental about other people's kids than they are about politics? Geez.

Oh, also...good job on the post! The Onion is right, get ta bloggin'!

Anonymous said...

Wonderful blog Stacie. Having three children, my wife and I have had this similar conversation many times. Although sometimes it is difficult, we try and stay aware of our thoughts and feelings and never get sucked in to this sort of garbage. We had a similar situation with our youngest daughter who is 12, a Mother actually came to our door and said she was forbidding her daughter from playing with our daughter because she wanted her daughter to remain as innocent as possible for as long possible. I just wished her good luck with that. I can't print my wife's reponse to the woman, but it wasn't pretty. Bottom line, I barely know you except through facebook & your blogs, but I would gladly allow my kids over to you and the Secret Agents house for a sleepover. Have a great Easter.
Sean

Sandra said...

So...umm...my kids aren't supposed to say Jesus Christ or other religious terms in a moment of frustration?...okeydokey...probably why I don't get invited anywhere either...
And yes, this woman was born to blog!!!
Good find Ms. Onion! Good eye!

Bushman said...

I would go with the experimentation routine.
That is funny stuff! I know exactly how she feels. My stepkids go to the hoity toity school in this area and I just can't compete with those people.

Nicki said...

This was heartfelt...and wonderful.

wendy said...

I love it! you are awesome and real and real funny. When I heard about what that supposedly "good christian" woman did to the beautiful little girl it made me so sad for her children who have just been taught that you can throw away your friends for such small reasons and sad for your daughter because a grown woman is acting so cruel to a little girl. I hope you keep blogging!

SherilinR said...

this is awesome! the post alone was wonderful (though at first i thought it said the woman smelled like vagina, not vanilla) and then the video was the icing on the cake. thanks for sharing that guest post & you're right, she needs her own blog!

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

I would love to hear the other side of the story. Always two sides.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...
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Megan S said...
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Connie Prichard said...

I've been reading the comments,thanks everyone.I read the one about the other side of the story.I never mentioned any names.I'm not trying to "trash" anyones name.My hackles were raised because my child was spoken ill of.I mean come on,who wouldn't come to the defense of their child.The person in question I confronted and did give them a chance to tell their side.This was just me blowing off steam.Like I said no names were mentioned.Thanks for your comments.We aren't heathens.I don't allow my kids to swear or drink out of the toilet.An innocent child made a comment.Thats all.

The Onion said...

Ok ladies...take it somewhere else. I have just met the writer recently and I liked style of writing. A blog is a place to share stories, feelings and OPINIONS; not a legal debate. Hash this out in person, not on my blog...

Anonymous said...

interesting, intriguing....wish I could read the anon comments.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Onion said...

Thanks for reading the blog. If you only came here to participate in the high school girl style nastiness, DO NOT LEAVE A COMMENT. Save it for your coffee klatch.

It's a blog, for Pete's sake, not skywritten. Don't like it? DON'T READ IT.

Please stop using my blog as a forum for your snarky comments. I don't even know you people, I barely know Trophy Wife. Get your own.(Ahem).

The Onion, where bitchiness is a layer.

Anonymous said...
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The Onion said...

Seriously, people. Find something else to do. I don't even know you all. Move on with your lives.