Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Feline Bourne Identity

Happy mid-January.  I am writing about my cat, furthering the rumors that I am having some manner of crazy-cat-lady nervous breakdown. But I am really quite sane, promise.

In other winter news, I bought the cheapest model of space heater for under my desk, so wish me luck that I don't burn the house down or die of some kind of poisoning from the lead paint. At least my feet will be warm when I go. In fact, my socks are smoldering at this moment.

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Hey gang! Get the Mystery Machine rolling! We have a Caper to solve!

Our new cat doesn't know who she is.....and neither do we (cue music). We considered calling her Janell Bourne, but my sweet baboo insisted her name should be Minnie. I have no idea why, she sure isn't "mini"; she is more "Maxi". However, Minnie it is.

Hi, I'm Minnie. Please leave me alone. I am undercover.
  The intrigue started when we went shopping for ONE cat for my kids. It was to be an early Christmas present combined with my apparent loss of reason, since we already have 2 dogs. At the shelter, the kids wanted a black wiley kitten that swiped at them from the cages, but I had set eyes on a nice, calm older cat who seemed content to let anyone hold her. So, the nice pound ladies fleeced me for what I thought would be a relatively 'free' adoption of TWO cats. 

pet tags for my two "illegal" pets already at home:  $$
pet tags for TWO cats:  $$
pre-payment for feline rabies shots:  $$$
Partial payment for spaying of TWO cats, one of which is probably already spayed:  $$$$

Kids faces when I said "Why don't we adopt BOTH?":  Priceless

This is the photo we sent their Dad when he asked if found A cat, singular.
Merry Christmas City Animal Shelter; to say there is no such thing as a free pet has never rang truer. 

Amidst my flurry of check writing and grousing about pet tags, the woman started feeling bad, so she started mentioning the benefits of my new cats like a used car salesman kicking the tires of a Mazda Miata. This included a final comment that the big girl had a microchip in her.

Wait. A. Second.

A MICROCHIP??  EMBEDDED IN HER CAT SKIN??? WOW! (see also, creepy.) The kids and I were suddenly looking at lazy Minnie in a brand new light. What mystery!!.... What intrigue...!
Minnie yawned. 

I think she is scanning for double agents, but I can't be sure.
What kind of info must be on such a thing? Details from the cold war? The truth behind the Kennedy assassination? The ladies from the pound eyed me warily and each other and then explained how the chip would be used to track Minnie should she become lost. Ok....so not as intriguing as we were imagining, and apparently, not very EFFECTIVE since she was now at the pound, slated for death. ??? "So, scan her up!" I yelled. The woman explained that while Minnie possessed the chip, it had not been registered by her previous owners. For the love....what a waste! No one could be bothered to register an already placed chip and now, poor Minnie was stuck in a metal box at the pound with other non-trackable unsavories like the other cat we were bringing home.

The unsavory Jazzy, looking at her Facebook.

I vowed to have Minnie registered and redeem her back to primo pet status. I also hoped that underneath all of that fur, she had a scar indicating she had already been spayed, so I wouldn't have to shell out more dough for that too. I took the note with the tracking number on it and raced home, intent on getting my high-speed, low-drag feline back on track in the spy game. Yeah......that was in November...It's now January.

I keep telling myself I am helping Minnie stay "off of the grid".
"Lay low".
"Flying under the radar".

I also had a few nightmare's about her true owners coming to get her, like orphan Annie with the locket. So, now it is (gulp) mid-January and still not registered. Oh, the failure.

but TODAY, I took Minne and the unsavory Jazzy to the vet to be spayed (the pre-pay at the pound made paying hurt a little less, for me anyway).  Minnie was pissed about having to have her belly shaved, but lo and behold, she had already been through the spaying process, so she dodged the knife and I will be headed to the Animal Shelter to cash in my pre-payment. (I hope to hell they don't have anything else in there we can't live without. I am becoming the crazy pet lady.)

I also registered Minnie with relative ease and a payment of $20 bucks. Now, she may travel to Berlin, Milan, or Uzbekistan. She won't call, she won't write....I will just have to track her by chip. I better get some of these for the sweet baboos before they go to college. And then remember to register them.


Jami Howe said...

You crack me up. You are hilarious!!!!

Danger Boy said...

Here's hoping the cat doesn't end up activated by the government agency she works for. There could be carnage in the neighborhood!