Monday, March 12, 2012

Faceless Dream Sequence

I rarely remember my dreams, but when I do they are normally pretty noteworthy. Or terrifying. Sometimes they have a lot of weird shape-shifting business going on that I strain to remember once the last vestiges of sleep have left my head. The people in my dreams NEVER have faces, which I would like to have analyzed by a doctor with crazy hair and a manacle. While I lay on a couch. But I don't have to pay. 

What my dream NEVER are is romantic. Rarely are my dreams a story. I do not dream in sitcom. Except for a week or so ago when i had a most interesting and dreamy mini-rom-com commercial. It was rad. 

I must have watched Lifetime before dozing off...
or a Hallmark commercial. 
Or a Folgers commercial (those always get me - remember when the brother comes home? *sniff*)

Although it had no dialogue I could really grab onto, I managed to remember it, and wanted to give it a shove into the blogosphere. 

Opening scene: grocery store, freezer cases lining both sides of the aisle.  A mother and her adult son are walking together, talking. The camera zooms slowly closer as you pick up the tidbits of their conversation. Its easy and light. You have the sense the boy has been gone a while and they are enjoying getting to know each other again. His hair is short, and..and...they have no faces. So sue me. Use your imagination. 

As the two cross to a new aisle, they come across a young girl who immediately recognizes the boy and they stop to talk as the mother looks on. The two hug briefly and separate as the mother gives the son a look with her eyebrow raised. The son shrugs and smiles at his mother, a little sheepish. 

The mother and son finish their shopping and continue talking through the parking lot and the mother watches as her son loads the trunk while they chat. He slams the trunk just in time to see the girl crossing to her own car. She waves and smiles at them again, laughing at the coincidence. The mother smiles at the girl and calls her over, digging in her handbag. The pair watch the mother fumbling through the depths of the bag, searching nervously while they wait. They wink at each other over her head, and the young lady finally places her hand softly on the woman's arm. The woman looks up at the girl who smiles and tips her head toward the boy, who has his mobile phone out and open. The girl opens her own phone and they quickly exchange their numbers electronically. The mother laughs and throws the pen she had finally found back in the bag. The boy smiles at the girl, and they part ways. 

 I know, right? Sappy goodness. 

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Post From the Couch: When TV Marketing Fails

I like commercials, generally. I don't even mind the ones with a catchy little jingle I can still remember 25 years after it aired.


Baked Poooo-tato skins got baked potato appeal,
cuz they're made with potatoes and skins that are reallllll.....


Who wears short-shorts?
We wear short-shorts
If you dare wear short-shorts
Nair for short-shorts..

You get the idea, right? 

The point of commercials is to remind people about the product each time they see it, and jingles and things like talking lizards with catchy tag lines is exactly the point. But some, many it seems have decided that they can...
Annoy me into remembering.
Irritate me into recognition.
Gross me out into buying

Check out some of the all-time worst examples:

Unnecessary Noisiness
Noisy, annoying commercials makes me cringe and mute the TV. Not effective, folks. Especially not coupled with new and improved campaign which has subdued messaging and neat, simple graphics. This bunch of idiots yelling at their mail is annoying. And ineffective; I had to look up the commercial via Google search to realize who it belonged to. JCP - Fail.

Gross humor isn't funny
This bunch of toe fungus monsters whipping up toenails like the hood of a Chevy and digging into the tissue underneath literally makes me GAG. And CRINGE. And it makes me produce excessive saliva from the cringing and gagging feeling. ((shuddering)) Fail. ((GAG)) FAIL.

I find nothing shameful about bodies, feminine or masculine. Still, I don't need to hear about all of the different accouterments people may or may not require to take care of themselves in their nethers. This goes for feminine products, itch cream, ass trouble, diarrhea, or yeast issues. It's even worse when they attempt to make nice on the subject by flowering up the commercials with soft lighting and a wind machine (wind = fresh, yo). Thank God douches are no longer featured.

In the same vein, this Charmin campaign (playing on the whole "does a bear..?") is really a bit more than we needed to think about what may be left behind..on our behinds...

There are many, many, many more. What commercials do you DESPISE? Lay the ones you love to hate in the comments below. Don't hold back, yo...