Friday, April 22, 2011

The Girl Who Got Away..You Stupid A$$hole..







I am lacking inspiration, so I am relying on prompts from other sites to give me ideas. It's a good exercise, and actually a lot of fun. I saw a prompted post from Red Writing Hood on Random Girl's naughty blog and when I perused the list, this one intrigued me. We all want to think our past loves regret ever letting us get away...those bastards. 


* Sorry for the cursing and coarse language, Mom. This is my impression of how men think to themselves. It isn't always pretty. *


The prompt:
Write a short piece of fiction (It's Fiction, people - I have been married since I was eleven) about seeing an ex in the grocery store from the first person point-of-view. Instead of writing from the female perspective, we want you to write from the male perspective.




The scene: Grocery Store, Saturday 4 pm:


Internal dialogue: 


let's see...cereal...bananas........wait a sec...


Is that..?


No...nah...,ooh! it is....((turning away with cart))


(((Looking through hole in bread display))


Holy shit...it's her. 


Woooo-ooow, she looks pret-ty fuck-ing good....






Her hips look a little wider, but in a good way. The years have been good to you, old girl. 


My God, the way I used to hold those hips...((squeezing bread))


Whoops..((releasing bread))


Man, why did I walk away from that? That girl was a solid 8 and 1/2. STUPID! 


So what if she talked a little too much?  She was pretty damn smart....


She wasn't the most adventurous lover....


Shut the fuck up...no one could compare to the trashy girl from the bar that could suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch and would let you and whoever do her anytime, anywhere, anyway...This was a nice girl who wasn't afraid to get down in the sack, with only the most obvious limitations... 


I'm an idiot. 


Oh shit, here she comes...((reading back of hot dogs))


Maybe I should talk to her..?


((Eyes rolling)) If she will even speak to me...after breaking it off via text.


I really fucked that up...


I haven't found anyone I liked quite like her since.... What a jerkoff.


Maybe I'll just wave..


What a douche. Waving? What, are we in a fucking PARADE?


Stop being a pussy, man. Just go talk to her. 






((walking up, pretending to need pita chips)) Oh, uh..hey...I didn't see it was you....


I'm fine, I'm fine. It's good to see you; you look great.... 


Yes, I am still managing the project....((slow nodding, shuffling feet))


Yep, still at the gym. Working on my bench (did I actually just say that? What a tool....)


Am I seeing anyone...? (maybe I should lie? No, she'll know...she always knew)


No, no...still looking for the right girl...(And...maybe I just re-discovered her? Pause for effect, sexy look up, think she caught that?)


No, nothing in my eye, thanks for asking. (Fail.)


Girl, you look great, you must have guys chasing you (Now, including me..again..to hell with subtlety)


Oh...I see. Of course. 


(Shit.) 


Well, I had better get going before my Hungry Man Dinners (for losers who live alone and let go of great girls because they are self absorbed jackasses) thaw out...


(How did I EVER think I was too good for this girl?)


yeah..yeah...Bye...


(Holds Hungry Man dinner against forehead)


Fail. 








13 comments:

The Simple Dude said...

Ha - love it, it's like you've been in my head. Wait, that's kind of sad.

SD
TheSimpleDude.com

Random Girl said...

Love this!! You had me cracking up and feeling smug at the same time, not sure how you did it but I like it! I ran into an ex at a club a few weeks ago... the "DAAMMMNNNN" look I got from him when he saw me walk in was priceless, the barrage of texts the rest of the night from him? Not so much. Life's little moments of victory...

Christi said...

That's hilarious! I totally imagine this is how one particular ex of mine would react in a chance encounter. :-)

i'mtransplanted said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! That's EXACTLY how I picture it in my head too, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Hungry Man Dinners, ha ha ha ha ha ha. LOVE IT!!!!!

The Defiant Marshmallow said...

Ouch!

Awesome. Scary-accurate mental description of guys. Not me, of course!

The Onion said...

Aww, you know I am just playin' :-)

Bushman said...

That would be fun. Telling a story yet perhaps combing out a few old demons that have been caught in your craw for awhile. Great post!

Bushman said...

Hey O,
I've changed my site address. Here's the new one...http://bushmansworld.blogspot.com/

Lazarus said...

I think that's a pretty accurate conversation in many cases (not for me of course!)

Jones Family said...

Hey there! loved it!

Jonesie~~


Check out my writing blog:

http://thingsinmyrearviewmirror.blogspot.com/

Random Girl said...

So hey girlie, guess who gets to give me my challenge prompt for Indie Ink this week???? That's right love....it's YOU!! I can't wait to see what you come up with for me! Let me know if you didn't get the email with the list and I'll forward you mine. This should be fun!

Danger Boy said...

Hey waitaminnit...I have hungry man dinners for lunch at the office...
:)

Nicki said...

Heeee! Cute cute cute!