Friday, April 22, 2011
The Girl Who Got Away..You Stupid A$$hole..
I am lacking inspiration, so I am relying on prompts from other sites to give me ideas. It's a good exercise, and actually a lot of fun. I saw a prompted post from Red Writing Hood on Random Girl's naughty blog and when I perused the list, this one intrigued me. We all want to think our past loves regret ever letting us get away...those bastards.
* Sorry for the cursing and coarse language, Mom. This is my impression of how men think to themselves. It isn't always pretty. *
Write a short piece of fiction (It's Fiction, people - I have been married since I was eleven) about seeing an ex in the grocery store from the first person point-of-view. Instead of writing from the female perspective, we want you to write from the male perspective.
The scene: Grocery Store, Saturday 4 pm:
let's see...cereal...bananas........wait a sec...
No...nah...,ooh! it is....((turning away with cart))
(((Looking through hole in bread display))
Holy shit...it's her.
Woooo-ooow, she looks pret-ty fuck-ing good....
Her hips look a little wider, but in a good way. The years have been good to you, old girl.
My God, the way I used to hold those hips...((squeezing bread))
Man, why did I walk away from that? That girl was a solid 8 and 1/2. STUPID!
So what if she talked a little too much? She was pretty damn smart....
She wasn't the most adventurous lover....
Shut the fuck up...no one could compare to the trashy girl from the bar that could suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch and would let you and whoever do her anytime, anywhere, anyway...This was a nice girl who wasn't afraid to get down in the sack, with only the most obvious limitations...
I'm an idiot.
Oh shit, here she comes...((reading back of hot dogs))
Maybe I should talk to her..?
((Eyes rolling)) If she will even speak to me...after breaking it off via text.
I really fucked that up...
I haven't found anyone I liked quite like her since.... What a jerkoff.
Maybe I'll just wave..
What a douche. Waving? What, are we in a fucking PARADE?
Stop being a pussy, man. Just go talk to her.
((walking up, pretending to need pita chips)) Oh, uh..hey...I didn't see it was you....
I'm fine, I'm fine. It's good to see you; you look great....
Yes, I am still managing the project....((slow nodding, shuffling feet))
Yep, still at the gym. Working on my bench (did I actually just say that? What a tool....)
Am I seeing anyone...? (maybe I should lie? No, she'll know...she always knew)
No, no...still looking for the right girl...(And...maybe I just re-discovered her? Pause for effect, sexy look up, think she caught that?)
No, nothing in my eye, thanks for asking. (Fail.)
Girl, you look great, you must have guys chasing you (Now, including me..again..to hell with subtlety)
Oh...I see. Of course.
Well, I had better get going before my Hungry Man Dinners (for losers who live alone and let go of great girls because they are self absorbed jackasses) thaw out...
(How did I EVER think I was too good for this girl?)
(Holds Hungry Man dinner against forehead)